As I think I’ve mentioned before, I am a planner. A thorough planner (mostly around meal times), in fact I get a little bit anxious if even a simple day isn’t at least roughly scheduled. So having little to no experience of babies I googled and read A LOT and went to several classes. However there have been a few surprising things along the way that you don’t get told about.
1) Babies are such noisy sleepers! Sleep when your baby sleeps they say. Have you tried sleeping next to something that sounds like a snoring asthmatic t-rex with a cold before? It’s not easy! Many early nights were spent with Mitch and I staring down at Hayden wondering if someone had secretly given us a baby dinosaur instead. At nearly 6 months he’s a much quieter sleeper now thank goodness. Although if he’s being too quiet I do still give him a gentle prod.
2) You will become obsessed with poo. Like literally obsessed. And it will form a big chunk of conversation matter that you’ll have with other mums. You just hope that if people overhear that they realise you’re talking about babies and not your own bodily functions…although sometimes it is – postpartum bodies are joyous.
3) You will forever be picking at your babies face. Sleep around their eyes. Bogies up their nose. Wax in their ears. I didn’t even know babies could get waxy ears!
4) A messy mum bun does not exist because you don’t have time in the morning to do anything else to your hair (well sometimes it might). Unless you want what remains of your hair after postpartum hair loss to be pulled out by tiny hands with extraordinary strength it really is the only safe option.
5) Babies cough and sneeze. Not because they are ill though they just do it! When I first heard Hayden cough I jumped up in panic thinking he was choking on air!
6) Bodily fluids. WOW! Poo, wee, sick, dribble. I class it as a good day if I’ve only got covered in 3/4. Muslin cloths quickly became my best friend! You’re always told that when you have a baby you’ll have lots of washing to do. However half of that washing is actually my clothes, Mitch’s clothes and our bedsheets. Hayden is very good at missing himself when he’s sick but very good at getting it on everyone and everything else. Although I will admit there has been quite a few occasions where I have quite liked what I’m wearing so a dab with a damp cloth and a spritz of perfume over the top it has been. Apologies if you’ve got a bit close and smelt an odd aroma of vomit eau de toilette. You’ll also quickly become ok with catching vomit on your bare hands. For all their cuteness babies are disgusting.
7) You thought pregnancy indigestion was bad. Nah! When looking after a baby, especially as they get older and start to nap less. Windows to eat are small. You will find yourself eating very quickly and for someone who has always been an annoyingly slow eater this came as a shock to my poor digestive system. Also you’ll need to take any opportunity you can to eat, hungry or not!
8) You will never drink a hot cup of tea…ever again.
9) Babies sleep in the car. This is a lie!